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Pain Kept in the darkness just begets more Pain

By: Junaid Jamali

There is so much going on in this world. So many people are silently suffering from things they have experienced and are too embarrassed or ashamed of or confused to talk about. Our culture still remains sick and dishonest while everything is kept in the dark areas of the psyche.

Pain kept in the dark just begets more pain. The wounds fester and other people get hurt. People have maladaptive behaviour to cope with inner pain and shame. So many addiction, unhealthy habits that have knock-on effects in so many areas if life. When things have to stay in the dark people stay in fear…both the fear of being ‘found out’ or disapproved of or the fear of actual events that never get healed. A culture that lives in fear all the time creates so many extra problems in society.

I know many will find this writing as distasteful as I disclose that others keep hidden, but I do so in the hope that others may feel brave enough to admit to themselves or others what has been hiding away in the dark. We are all in this life-thing together…the more we can share, support, validate each others life experiences the more we can grow and heal.

So many are living in inner isolation fearing they would not be accepted if their inner secrets were known. It is so sad… because most of the time at the route of those secrets is a very scared or upset child who needed love and acceptance…and if that child never gets that through life our behaviors will always be affected by it. It might at a more wounded level it could be that we hurt or abuse others.

Wounds need light and air to heal, even if they smart at first it is better than keeping them locked away to fester and go septic. We seem to have a general fear of emotions too. A fear that we won’t be accepted if people know of our anger, or bitterness, or vulnerability, or shame, or fear etc etc. Emotions are just as they are. If you feel angry, you feel angry. Or if you feel You love, you are at Love .. It’s a fact. It just is. The more it is pushed away and disowned the more it will hang around and grow. Emotions are only a problem when they are stopped from moving and held on to.

Can we not start to see our common humanity and start to open our compassion? – first to our own pain so we can open it to others too. Love and acceptance work much better than judgements and shame.


Published in The Balochistan Point on August 15, 2021

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